is it worth it?

in the last week i have had a lot of conversations with people either trying to answer that question for themselves, or for someone they love.

is it worth it?

as a christian we are putting our whole purpose of life and livelihood in an adamant "YES!" - we are putting all of our eggs into this Jesus basket and we are closing our eyes and barreling through life until we come out on the other side we are hoping for.

i am reading a book right now by Francis Chan called "Forgotten God" - it is about the severe lack of Holy Spirit we have in our lives and churches these days. and one of the main points it touches on within the first chapter is this question followed by another:

what are you afraid of?

if we have decided to put our faith into God and our life into promoting his name among the nations, then why aren't we searching on a regular basis for new ways to be transformed by the Spirit that is already within us. that Spirit instead is just sitting inside of us, dormant, and in turn we are not the light to the world we are supposed to be. in fact, we are absolutely NO DIFFERENT than the rest of the world. so why would we proclaim to be a Christ follower for anything more than just hoping we will make it to heaven?

in Mark 3:14 Jesus is appointing the 12 apostles. in doing so he says that he calls them for 2 reasons. 1- "to be with Jesus" - which if you are a "christian" this is how we usually classify ourselves. but we are missing the second and most important part that Jesus says immediately after - 2- "to be sent out to preach".

to live out our faith among nations. to set ourselves apart.

when Jesus was about to ascend back up to heaven he tells his disciples that he is leaving them, but that it is necessary to do so, because by him leaving they will receive something "just as good" - the Holy Spirit. are we living as though we have something "just as good" as the real living, breathing Jesus inside of us? i know that i'm not.

i like this quote by oldie Tertullian:
"The Lord challenges us to suffer persecutions and to confess Him. He wants those who belong to Him to be brave and fearless."

i'm supposed to have it all together?

sometimes i don't really know what the heck i am doing.
i feel as though i try hard though.
i feel as though i have everyone's best interest in mind.

sometimes though i feel like i am letting everyone and their mom's down.
i feel as though my best isn't good enough for anyone.
i feel as though i am failing.

did i miss something?
was i supposed to make everyone happy all the time?
am i to blame for the confusion that is life?

sometimes i feels as though i am.
sometimes it feels like i am supposed to have it all together.

lucky for me...someone else does.

i wish the world could write me a love song.

what would it be about?
would it be sweet and slow?
or fast and bold?

what would the world write to me?
would it be wild and strange?
or the simple chords of a refrain?

i believe there is love in the soul
of the earth.
it is writing to reach us,
touch every heart.
on us the plains of love it is
hoping to impart.

it isn't complex
love isn't just sex
it is more than we hope for
more than we can see.
the world writes while it waits
for our discovery.

am i crazy to hope it?
naive to wish it?
do i deserve a word of courage
or a painful lament?

is it wrong to look harder
and deeper into sounds and
words and hurts and people
and lives?
to much to try?
useless to cry?

sitting silent and still
whispering words carefully chosen
the world waits for me.
it calls out to me.
it hopes for me, prays for me,
shares each of it's days with me.

is it so wrong?
to ask - to pray.
i hope the the world writes a song.
a love song each day.

everybody is a wild thing at heart.

this article is great.

i still haven't seen the movie - i am planning on seeing it this weekend, but i am so pumped! it's so funny how true this article is though...we are all wild things at heart. we can all resonate with the book and it is totally our generation...

recently i also read an article in the State News about how our generation is super into being emo. with music, with art, with our facebook/twitter statuses...a lot of the older generations believe that we are so fascinated with pain and sorrow because our generation has not yet truly experienced what it means. we have this misconception that to be real art it has to have pain imbedded in it...while those people who have actually lived through sorrow are usually trying to forget about it and surrounded themselves with the happier things of life and not just wallow in their misery...

i see the point of the articles. i think it's true. sometimes i wonder if we are just being too hard one ourselves though...

quicksand.

i don't get things that happen.
and i think a lot of the trouble i have with understanding why things happen to people is because i am looking in from the outside and often times don't have the whole story.

but sometimes i see people and what they are doing and who they are and who they are in relationships with and it all seems so perfect and cool and even thought i don't know all that is going on in that person's life i envy them and i feel like they are what i should strive to become...

then suddenly...their relationship is over. that perfect relationship. and so then i wonder, oh, well if THEIR relationship ended, then how will mine stand a chance? or they admit their flaws and i think, well if they are feeling guilt for THAT, then there must be something wrong with me for not feeling all that bad about myself...

and at this point i find myself thinking there are two solutions:
1. i can let go and give up on all that i have in my life, because chances are they will all probably fail anyways, so what's the point.

or

2. i can hit myself for even considering option 1 and realize that if i am continuing to compare myself to other people, no matter how perfect they seem, eventually that image will be shattered. and if my life is hanging in the balance then i will never be satisfied. the only perfect and worthy person/god i should be comparing myself to is the Lord...it is to live and love like Him that should be my goal. because he will NEVER change. he will NEVER fail. and he is someone i can very much get to know intimately...someone who will encourage me to follow.